Content note: This post includes references to childhood sexual abuse and trauma

I Grew Up Without Touch

I grew up without physical affection. Very rarely did I ever get hugged, kissed, or held. More often than not, my overstimulated, angry, distant mother would send me to my room the second I had an emotion, because she couldn’t deal with her own, let alone mine.

So I learned, as a child, to hold back tears in the presence of adults and cry alone when nobody was watching. I learned that emotional outbursts of any kind — good or bad — were punished with physical abuse and emotional distancing. I learned to dissociate when her bouts of rage sent my little body into a full-blown panic attack.

This programmed me from a very young age to believe I was bad. To be hypervigilant. To walk on eggshells. And to never, ever ask for my needs to be met.

Though I was almost always lonely, desperately needing love, attention, reassurance, physical touch, and positive affirmation, I never got them.

My Body Learned to Survive Before It Learned to Thrive

Then I was molested repeatedly by a boy at my daycare. My sexuality was activated far earlier than it ever should have been. Because he held me down and I was unable to get away, it reinforced my already-deep sense of helplessness. It confused my body and mind. And though I didn’t like what was happening, it felt good. And honestly, that’s a deeply confusing thing to carry (and it’s more common than most people ever say out loud.)

And then they wondered why I started having sex at an early age. Why I started smoking, drinking, partying, getting into trouble. Why I struggled in school. Why I cared more about my friends than my grades.

All of these experiences programmed me to be disconnected, dissociated, and unaware of my own body. Unable to set boundaries and unable to ask for what I needed. Suppressing my emotions to keep the peace and make others happy became the norm.

She’s Still Inside Me

As an adult, I still carry that sad, lonely, starved-for-love little girl inside of me. I do my best to tune into her when she surfaces, and give her what she needs. Sometimes it’s to draw, color, or eat cookies and watch a Disney movie. Other times, she needs to swing on the swingset at the playground. And sometimes, she needs to be held.

Those times are the hardest. Because more than anything, she wants to be comforted by physical touch, and for so long, she couldn’t receive it.

This isn’t just the whimsical want of a needy child. Research shows there is a biological need for touch and closeness. The coherent heart has the power to co-regulate another nervous system. This isn’t “woo-woo.” It’s science.

This Is Why I Became a Massage Therapist

I became a massage therapist to give others the loving touch, presence, and attention I never received as a child. Many people have no idea how powerful safe, loving, intentional touch can be. It can break down walls that have stood for decades — sometimes in a single moment.

But over time, I realized that touch alone wasn’t enough.

Why I Created the PRISM Method

When you combine healing touch with a trauma-informed background, energy work, spiritual reconnection practices, and guided meditation to reprogram the subconscious mind, you have a therapy that can accomplish more in one session than ten rounds of talk therapy.

This is why I created the PRISM Method — because I know that people need more than just a massage. They need to hold their inner child, reprogram their limiting beliefs, and reconnect with their spirit.

The PRISM Method works on all three layers:

Body. The physical body must be lovingly touched and held — supported in a way that allows the nervous system to relax and feel safe. This feeling of safety is experienced as an actual, felt shift in the body. No amount of talking about safety can create what intentional, loving touch does.

Mind. The mind is the bridge between the physical and spiritual realms. The limiting, negative beliefs we formed in childhood must be identified and reprogrammed with loving, supportive ones. Much of the disconnection we see in the world today has a mental and spiritual root.

Soul. The spirit often leaves — dissociates, disconnects — during trauma. It must be acknowledged, retrieved, and integrated back into the body, so we can act from a place of wholeness and connection to our highest selves and to the living world around us.

These are the practices and teachings that indigenous shamans and medicine people have known for centuries. They are the teachings that have been beaten, burned, and killed out of us for just as long.

But truth cannot die. It can only be suppressed, until at last, it is revealed.

What Healing Has Looked Like for Me

I’ve tried loads of different therapies over the years. I’ve done  just about every healing modality you can think of, and read hundreds of self help books. Most of them have helped me in some way. But nothing has compared to the depth of healing I’ve experienced with practitioners who work to integrate all three aspects: body, mind, and soul.

Those are the healers who gave me my most profound transformations. That’s how I’ve been able to integrate the trauma I’ve endured and still show up in the world with love, kindness, and a regulated nervous system.

I know that if I can do it, so can you. I want that for every person on this planet, and I want that for you. 

Are You Ready to Truly Heal?

If you’re ready to heal your inner child, reprogram negative beliefs, feel safety in your physical body, and find balance in your emotional body, I’d like to invite you to get on my schedule. Helping people with inner child healing and somatic healing are my specialty.

I offer a variety of sessions tailored to where you are in your healing journey:

• PRISM Craniosacral Therapy — works with the bones of the head, neck, and spine; ideal for trauma healing and nervous system regulation
• PRISM Reiki Massage — body-focused work that relaxes muscle and tissue while activating chi points, aligning chakras and meridians, and promoting whole-body healing
• PRISM Reiki Healing — energy-work focused, using sound healing, guided meditation, and spiritual practices to reconnect your spirit and cleanse your energy field

I also offer virtual distance healing sessions and spiritual mentorship for those outside of Boise, Idaho, or who prefer the comfort of their own home.

In addition, I lead individual and group ceremonies and retreats with the plant medicines of Cacao and Tobacco, and offer PRISM Method training for healers who want to expand their practice with trauma-informed bodywork, energy work, and shamanic tools.

If you’re looking for trauma-informed bodywork and massage therapy in Boise, I’m your woman.

Ready to begin? Book your session at www.prismbodywork.com

Connect with me on Instagram and Facebook: @thereikimedicinewoman | @prismbodywork