Introduction: The Roots of Food Trauma

Childhood experiences shape our relationship with food in profound ways. For many, these early interactions can lead to what we call “food trauma” – a complex set of emotional and behavioral patterns that persist into adulthood.

My Story: A Childhood of Food Restrictions

The Hungry Mornings

I grew up with a very strict mother who was extremely controlling, especially with food. For some reason I never fully understood, I was very limited as to what, when, and how I could eat. 

One of my earliest memories is of being hungry. I remember sneaking candy from the dish in the kitchen one morning because my mom was sleeping in. She often slept in, and I’d be awake for several hours before she would finally get up to make me breakfast. 

The Cereal Incident

One morning when I was about kindergarten age I was hungry, so I decided to make myself a bowl of cereal. I grabbed a chair, pushed it to the counter, and climbed up to get a bowl out of the cupboard. I spilled milk and cereal all over the counter because my tiny hands could barely lift the milk jug. When my mom finally got up, she was so angry she yelled at me and locked me outside on the back patio. 

The Pink Frosting Nightmare

Around that same time, I woke up hungry in the middle of the night. As I quietly snuck into the kitchen and peeked into the fridge, the first thing that caught my eye was a jar of pink frosting. I dipped my little finger in it and reveled in joy, tasting its sugary sweetness. My joy was short lived, however, as my mom had woken up and heard me. I was in big trouble, she’d said, and then she grabbed a spoon and demanded that I eat the entire jar. All of a sudden, I wasn’t hungry anymore. I didn’t want to eat it all. But she sat there until I was so sick I ran to the bathroom and threw up pink frosting everywhere. 

Growing Up Hungry

The Peanut Butter Incident

When I got older, I still snuck food. I had little candy wrappers hidden in the nooks and crannies of my mattress. One time I was so hungry and all I could find was a jar of peanut butter. So I would grab a spoon and get a big glob, and take it to my room and eat it. I heard my mom coming, so I quickly hid it under my pillow before she could catch me. Then I forgot about it, until she found it a few days later. I got in big trouble for that. 

Growing up, I remember waking up in the mornings and feeling absolutely famished. I’d eat my cereal so fast, I’d get made fun of. My step dad once joked that I should be in the military, since I ate like I was in a mess hall. They’d often crack jokes like “she has a hollow leg,” or “hide your food, she’ll eat you out of house and home.” I never understood why I always felt so hungry until much later in life.

Understanding Food Trauma

The Lasting Impact of Food-Related Shame

It might sound weird, but “food trauma” is a thing. Maybe your story is different, but many of us had some sort of food trauma in childhood that we still carry into adulthood. Sometimes it presents as addiction, over eating, binge eating, anorexia, or bulimia. Sometimes it looks like emotional eating after a particularly bad day or sneaky eating in your car where nobody else can see you. 

The Adult Consequences of Childhood Food Trauma

Whether you went hungry as a child, or were shamed, abused, or manipulated with food, these things have a way of being programmed into our subconscious minds and arising as unhealthy patterns in our adult life. 

Rebellion Against Restriction

For me, having a parent that constantly restricted what I ate made me grow into an adult who decided that I could eat whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I wanted Taco Bell and Dairy Queen, I would have it. I wasn’t going to let ANYBODY tell me what I could or couldn’t eat ever again. 

Health Implications

But as I grew older, it quickly became clear how unhealthy this attitude had become. When you’re young, you can sometimes get away with eating like that. But as you age, your body is less forgiving. The liver gets fatty, it doesn’t work as well as it used to, and your hormones and metabolism change. You gain weight more easily and it becomes harder to lose it.

I didn’t get fat overnight. It took many years to catch up with me. In 2020, I was the heaviest I’d ever been. I got winded going up flights of stairs, hated how I looked and felt, and was constantly having to buy bigger clothes. But, it didn’t really hit me until I saw a picture of myself and went “WOW! Is that me?” My first reaction was shame. Ashamed that I’d let this happen. Ashamed that I’d let myself go. I’d been in an unhappy marriage, I’d been stressed at work, and I’d gradually just allowed myself to soothe with my tried and true method: Food. I’d eaten anything and everything in sight. That old hunger had returned with voracious force.

The Turning Point: Recognizing the Problem

At some point, I had to step back and ask myself why I’d gained so much weight. I had to be honest with myself about my eating habits. It finally dawned on me that it stems from my childhood, and my inner child was running the show.

Decoding Your Cravings

Different cravings can be clues as to what our inner child needs. My unhealthy food addictions come from my inner child’s need to feel pleasure, to taste sweetness, and enjoy, if only for a few moments, something that brings her happiness. To me, food, and especially sweets, are comforting. I’ve craved comfort my whole life. When I’m having a rough day, I go straight to the freezer for a piece of dark chocolate and pair it with a glass of wine. I love chocolate and all the sugary goodies. 

Some people like salty or fatty things instead. They go straight to pizza, chips, burgers, or other fast foods. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, it’s a good idea to look back to your childhood and see if there’s a correlation there. 

Conclusion: Embracing a Healthier Future

Were you constantly teased or reprimanded for your weight? Were you told you were too skinny or too fat? Did you feel out of control, and found that food was something that you COULD control? Are you a victim of the “Hollow Leg Syndrome”?

Healing your inner child’s food addiction is possible. With understanding, compassion, and the right support, you can transform your relationship with food and nurture both your inner child and adult self.

Invitation to Heal: 21-Days to Food Freedom

I promise you: Where the pain is- that’s where the healing is too. If you’re ready to heal your inner child’s addiction to or unhealthy habits around food, I’m inviting you to join my new program, Nourish Your Inner Child: A 21-Day Journey to Food Freedom, where I give you specific tips, tricks, and guidance to build a healthy relationship with food again. Plus, you’ll get 1:1 support, group support, informative downloadable PDF’s, and healthy recipes for all your childhood favorites! 

In just 21 days, you’ll learn:

• How your past shapes your plate 
• Break free from food shame
• Uncover the roots of emotional eating and find true nourishment
• Understand your cravings and build a healthier relationship with food
• Break free from restrictive eating patterns and rediscover food joy
• Transform your relationship with food by acknowledging and nurturing your inner child
• How to trust your body again and build positive eating habits

The program is open for enrollment 10/1 and starts 10/14. There’s an early bird special for everyone who signs up by 10/7. Click the link below to sign up now! 

Recap:

Food trauma can manifest in various ways:

• Addiction
• Overeating
• Binge eating
• Anorexia
• Bulimia
• Emotional eating
• Sneaky eating

These patterns often stem from childhood experiences of:

• Going hungry
• Food-related shame
• Abuse or manipulation involving food

Steps Towards Healing

1. Reflect on your childhood food experiences
2. Identify patterns in your current eating habits
3. Recognize your inner child’s needs
4. Develop compassion for yourself

Join my program to:

• Build a healthier relationship with food
• Receive 1:1 and group support
• Access informative resources
• Learn healthy recipes for childhood favorites

Early bird special ends 10/7! 🥳

👉Need extra support right now? If you feel ready to embark on a body-centered approach to healing your inner child, I invite you to consider scheduling a Reiki or Craniosacral session with me. Read how trauma informed bodywork can help heal childhood trauma here. As a compassionate healthcare practitioner, I am here to hold a loving space for you as you navigate your healing journey. Together, we can work towards nurturing your inner child, releasing stored trauma, and cultivating a greater sense of wholeness and well-being. Link to schedule in my bio. 💖